It’s not the same as being in love with drinking.
Because honestly? As much as the pouring of a bottle of fine wine can be romanticised by the poets amongst us that spend more time thinking than drinking, the majority of us have reached the stage where drinking is, for the most part, quite frankly, boring as f*ck.
It really is. Go on. Admit it. There’s something so stuck about it. Same drinks. Same people. Same f*cking conversation. Like Ground Hog Day, except without learning how to make the most of being trapped in the same day forevermore & using it to learn new things like Bill Murray does.
There’s something a bit lovely and delicate about feeling like a tortured soul that no one else understands. Feeling the depths of despair that surely no other being has scaled. It’s certainly a hell of lot more attractive than admitting we are essentially just keeping ourselves stuck in the same cycle because it has become a habit.
Hangovers likewise are boring when they are an everyday occurrence. Really. F*cking. Boring. So using those hours to obsess on the drama of drinking is a truly marvellous way to pass the time. A relief even. Until it becomes habit. Then it’s not so fun. And really hard to shake.
Life becomes very, very small. an endless round of thinking about idea of alcohol. What a special, misunderstood, unique relationship we have with it. How no one could understand this bond from the outside in. The more we isolate ourselves, embroiled in this romance, the more warped and delusional our thinking gets. And the more we allow ourselves to drift away from the solution.
Because stopping drinking is easy. You just cease the action. Drink gets put down. Doesn’t get picked back up again. And the hole it leaves can be filled by other things. Activities, people, places. Options. Seeing life through the enthusiasm of new eyes.
But the void the Drama of Drinking leaves? That is a much bigger hole to fill if we keep telling ourselves the same old bullsh*t story. Then alcohol becomes that boyfriend who we never faced up to what a pr*ck he actually was and just dumped because our friends told us to. (And yes, we do a lot of the things just because we are told to when we arrest development at the age we start drinking and don’t discover who we really are. All of us.)
Drinking becomes this beautiful, untouchable tragic thing we have lost. Rather than just a really boring f*cked up pastime the real grown ups grew out of making their main event long ago.
The Drama of Drinking gives the illusion that there is an actual relationship to be had with an inanimate object. Which is f*cking ridiculous, You can’t have a relationship with something that doesn’t have a central nervous system. That physically lacks the ability to love you back. It’s what makes me want to punch alcohol counsellors in the face more than anything else they say. F*ck working on your “relationship with alcohol”. It’s a bottle. not a boy.
So if you have decided to stop drinking, and you are feeling emptiness through lack of drama in your life? Don’t be tempted to create drama in other areas just so it feels comfortable and familiar. Learn passion instead. Excitement. Drama comes from the boredom of routine that drinking created as an by-product of misplaced fear. Passion comes with making new, genuine discoveries about who we really are and what we really like.
We don’t address the Drama of Drinking enough in recovery, Which is silly because all women do it. And it can be undone by finding ways we would rather feel. Nobody deliberately aims to feel bad. It’s a habit we learn as we choose alcohol over everything else.We are supposed to go through life feeling fulfilled and happy. We are supposed to create a life for ourselves that satisfies and excites us.
Just because we didn’t learn that lesson as quickly as others doesn’t mean we can’t start learning it today.