Struggling non-Sober Girls tend to have two distinct friendship circles. One is the friends she drinks with, the barflies. The ones who make her behaviour seem normal and will argue in favour of her drinking under any circumstance.
The other is the group she’s known for a long time. Who get to make fun of her drinking. Who see her as the screw-up.
News Flash: Both of these groups need you to keep drinking.
Yes the latter will judge you loudly on your behaviour, tell you that you’re out of control and need to sort your life out. But you play a definite role with them these days: because it’s always handy to have someone more unhappy than you around if you aren’t fully satisfied with what life is giving you.
Good News is you’ll be ditching most of these b*tches soon and finding friendships that actually serve you in a positive, fulfilling way.
The first group of folk is a no-brainer. They use people like props. Placed alongside them as they drink themselves into yet another stupor. because it looks more normal if two girls are getting p*ssed in a bar instead of just one. Safety in numbers and all that. And three or four are even better than just a couple of birds at a bar. then it’s a group. Then it’s fine. It’s just like Sex and the City-right?
You keep telling yourself that luvvie. Far be it from me to stop you.
If you are on a dry spell at the moment you’re going to obviously have the sense to keep a wide berth between you and friendship circle number one. And quite honestly the sooner you cut these people out of your life altogether the better. But the second group is a more complex deal. You’ll meet them for dinner and be amazed when they don’t automatically treat your good behaviour with a round of applause. Some may even mock this attempt “what on the wagon again? For how long this time?”
The conversation will turn to your not drinking. The spectrum will vary friend-to-friend, but they will all have an opinion on how long it’s going to last, whether it’s even necessary. Leading to the invariable conclusion that you won’t be able to do it anyway so it doesn’t matter.
In short, this is a really f*cking boring conversation. which is quite handy because you most likely think sobriety is supposed to be boring anyway.
Let’s be honest, if they are giving you a hard time, it’s because they’ve been down this road with you before. They are most likely sick of it. But so what? It doesn’t mean they get to be an expert on your sobriety. Hell, you aren’t an expert on your sobriety yet-so how the f*ck can they have a clear insight into it?
They don’t. It’s none of their business. Stop talking about it. Yes. That’s right: you heard me.
Don’t. Talk. About. It.
A big part of successful sobriety is learning who you are, what you will stand for-and what you will not. It’s growing a pair and deciding where the boundaries in conversations lie. So; turn up for dinner. Order whatever the f*ck you like to eat. Get yourself a mocktail or whatever floats your boat and don’t justify your drink choice at all. When one of the more loudmouth of your friend’s makes a joke about it? Don’t answer. Stop being the punch-line to her anecdotes. When you are pressed further? Say it’s what you felt like drinking. Look them straight in the eye. Sit upright. Hold that contact until they look away.
Own. Your. Sh*t.
We teach people how to treat us. And yes, it’s been the easiest course of action to be the butt of everyone’s jokes so you can get on with messing your life up by drinking in peace and quiet. But that’s all going to change now. You are going to take your own life and your own success seriously. And the people you’ve known longest are going to very swiftly find themselves or the periphery of your fabulous new sober life if they don’t start treating your with respect.
Nobody owes us anything. We don’t get any special allowance for deciding to no longer abuse alcohol. But we don’t have to take sh*t from people either. A lack of self-respect got you into this mess, so building self-esteem from the inside is going to play a huge part in digging you out of this hole.
So. in short, when it comes to your early sobriety: Never Apologise. Never Explain. Always keep them guessing.
Good Luck xx