Lately I’ve been madly keen on having people over for supper.
I don’t know what it is about feeding my favourite people that makes me feel so good, but it does.
I don’t know what it is about making an excuse to have a fridge & cupboards stocked to the hilt with all the nicest ingredients I can think of that makes me feel so nice, but it does.
I’m not sure why I can now sit for hours and hours talking and laughing with nothing stronger than a cup of tea in my hand, but I like it very much.
A few nights ago, whilst having dinner cooked for me this time, I sat leisurely in my seat and took a swig of my glass. Except it wasn’t my glass. It was white wine.
How long has it been since I had white wine? Nine years? Must be. Anyway I could finally inadvertently answer the question “what does alcohol taste like after not having it for so long?”
It tasted like Not My Drink. That’s all. No clap of thunder. No tubular bells. No insatiable thirst pounding through my body. Just not my drink.
So I put it down. Picked up Yes My Drink, and carried on.
I think most of my world can be categorised into Not My and Yes My these days. If something is Not My and it turns up in my experience? So what? Nobody can pour anything down my throat without my permission. Be it their opinion, their fears, or their wine. That responsibility lies entirely with me. In my hands. Literally. I can pick anything up or put anything down whenever I like.
I wish I had known that. Both during my drinking days and in my early years of sobriety. That nobody else’s beliefs or opinions or drinks have to be of threat to me. That I’m as safe as I choose to feel.
Just focussing on Yes My, all the way.
I don’t know what it is about feeding my favourite people that makes me feels so good. Or having a lovely, ordered house and a lovely, ordered life. But this is what sobriety is to me now. It’s a life full to the brim of the components I hand-pick. A bespoke, tailor made life I carve out anew for myself each and every day.
Discovering the world anew.
Step by Step.