Why the bad days are vital 

I had a dreadful day yesterday.
I decided to get up at 4am after a couple of hours sleep to write my column. I do this a lot. Mainly because I got into a terrible habit of getting up through the night to write a book last year.

There was no hope of me getting back to sleep afterwards. By 10am I felt awful. 
I did what I told myself I had to do during the day. Despite the fact that I didn’t. The world would not have stopped turning if I’d put them off for a day.

I didn’t eat or drink. I wore the wrong clothes for the boiling hot weather. I walked for miles when I really didn’t need to.

I ended up back home in tears by the afternoon. So useless I didn’t get a thing done for the rest of the day.

By 8pm I was sent to bed by one who knows me far better than I know myself.

I’d spent the evening alternating between tears and laying on the coach. I kept saying to my partner “I just don’t like myself today. I cannot love myself today”.

Everything felt so sad and so bleak. 
Everything I did or said or felt just made it all a bit worse.

This morning, after an epic sleep, the world seemed in technicolor once more.

It wasn’t back to how it had been before my bad day. It was a lot better.

Better because I now had a brand new, solid blueprint on how not to conduct a day.

Improved because I knew that to do the polar opposite of what I had done yesterday was guaranteed to bring me a day of success.

Happier because this day of pitfalls gave me so many extra weapons in my arsenal of wellbeing.

This is what I mean when I say that there are no mistakes in this journey of recovery. Because every pitfall brings with it a blue print on how not to conduct ourselves.

Because it’s the most common mistake we make, really. To punish and berate ourselves for the less than perfect days. To use our so-called f*ck-up’s as an excuse to continue on our downward spiral. 

When it’s simply not the case. We need the imperfections. We need the f*ck-up’s. I needed yesterday to happen.

So. I know better now. I know to sleep. To eat. 

To listen to the people that love me.

The bad days aren’t just important. They are vital. They are the most powerful teachers that exist. 

They are a form of bulletproofing ourselves from the inside out.

And we get to have as many of them as it takes to learn what we need.

And then we need never have them again.


2 thoughts on “Why the bad days are vital 

  1. Rach says:

    Such a great read as always Carrie, thank you. I’m nearly 5 months sober and currently worrying that I feel no different – I haven’t ‘sprung into life’ as it were now that I’ve stopped drinking – I’m starting to realise that me properly putting myself first is going to be a huge learning curve, and I’m not sure if it’ll happen – i’m a mum to two young girls for a start so I’m accustomed to coming last – but I want the tendency to be reclusive to go, I want the not bothering too much about my appearance/weight to go, I want the ‘oh sod it’ attitude that I had to go – being reckless seemed fun when downing all the wine, now not so much when shovelling in the 2nd donut!! – maybe I’m worrying because it all seems insurmountable at the moment, changing me, career, home life etc…finding ‘true happiness’ whatever that is? maybe the booze wasn’t the cause of all this low self esteem but just another side effect? Anyway, it’s early days I know, maybe I should just focus on nothing more than savouring the joy of no more hangovers and the anxiety that went with them!! Anyway thanks again for being such a brave and positive inspiration – I’m glad I found you 🙂 xx

    • What an incredible way to start the day it was to read such an insightful message Rach! Thank you! Keep looking towards making your days wide with experiences, rather than making the length of your non drinking time the important factor, and you will be on an excellent track Xx

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