Monthly Archives: December 2016

What my Christmas words are, now.

I love my Christmas tree this year.
I waited until this weekend to get one and put it up.
I wanted something that reflects the way the world feels for me, now.
So I went with the same theme as the Christmas cards I sent out:
Peace and Joy 

That’s what Christmas is about for me, these days.
I shudder to imagine the words I would have bedecked my tree with, back in my drinking days:





Save me

All the while, smiling on the outside. Putting on a santa costume (it’s a tradition where I come from.) and drinking the season away.

Telling myself it was normal to feel like this.

That life was hard, and everyone is unhappy. That’s what being an adult is all about.

I’m on the other side of all that, now.
The darkness is over.
I wake up everyday in a lovely safe and warm home.

A place I am always comfortable in.
I get to spend the holiday season with friends and family.
I get to do things I didn’t even know I enjoyed. Like baking and cooking and making my home beautiful.
All ready for loved ones to come and spend the holidays here.

In this place of Peace and Joy.
At night, I get to curl up, onesie on, cup of tea in hand.
And watch the Christmas films that made me so happy as a child.

Nothing about Christmas now, resembles the shambles that it used to, back when drinking was the dominant feature.

And I’m so grateful for that. I can’t even put into words what it means to me. To not have that struggle, anymore.

I wish you so much peace and joy, this season.

On your tree and in your home.
Lots of love,
Carrie xx


Fear and Self-loathing at Christmas 

I hate Bullshit.

So when people work within the “sober culture” industry try and make out that they get super-busy with clients at this time of year. I find it annoying.

It’s lies.

Truth is, the overwhelming majority of folk do not want to sort their personal shit out at Christmas time.

They want to feel like they can do what they feel like.

And of course, anyone that has a drunk problem, feels like going out and getting drunk, whenever they can get away with it.

And Christmas is an excellent time to get away with it.

There will be the exception to the rule. 
There always is.

But these people are few and far between.
Individuals who are in that really specific point in their quest for a happier life.

Who reach that tiny knife edge.

Realising they won’t be missing out if they don’t drink.

And so just need instructions to get them through the holiday season.

(Which means they’ve hit the jackpot with good timing because all sobercoach-types are slashing their prices for December so you’ll get sessions with them for around ¬£50 like I’m doing. Cos we’ve nowt else to do til after Christmas cheer is over. Absolute bonus, is that.)

But, honestly, you can’t force that epiphany. It will come in its own time.

So. If you are one of the humans who isn’t at epiphany stage yet. Who will be using Christmas as an excuse for one last month of binging.

I want you to listen to me very carefully.

It’s okay.

It’s fine that you are going to do that.

You aren’t beyond hope.

And you shouldn’t use this month of excess as an excuse to hate yourself.

Don’t waste the time you aren’t soending drinking, obsessing over what you drank.

Participate in life.

Don’t hide in your bedroom with a hangover and miss the magic that will be going on around you.

The world will still turn.

Children will still be excited.

There will be continue to be reasons to feel happy and feel love.

It’s the fear and self-loathing. The overreaction and obsession during hangovers that are often the most dysfunctional part of problem drinking.

I’m not going to demand you stop drinking before Christmas.

If you aren’t ready and don’t want to, then you won’t. It’s as simple as that.
But I’m not going to let you get away with thinking you have to hate yourself for it.
Because it’s simply not true.

Love yourself, fully. 
Embrace yourself, as you are, right now.
Tell yourself to leave the hungover drama and obsession at the door.
And just do the best you can, this month.
It’s all any of us can do.