I don’t know poppet-that’s the short answer to this one.
You can’t though, can you? You wouldn’t be looking on here otherwise.
I don’t know why your friends can have one or two drinks and feel like that’s enough, whilst one drink makes you crave two, two makes your thirsty for three, and four creates a need and a want that can never be satisfied.
I can’t explain where that feeling of dread and resignation comes from, knowing you are about to make a fool of yourself at this party/night out/afternoon session because your bad behaviour is now a foregone conclusion. Because you have no control over how much you drink, or how you behave when you do drink.
I can tell you it does not have to be this way.
You’ve tried to moderate your alcohol intake
It didn’t work
You’ve tried taking a break from drinking after you behaviour when drinking has scared you
It didn’t work
That is enough to just stop right now. It doesn’t have to get any more dramatic than that. Anymore serious. That in and of itself is enough to say “ok I’m done”
Because the thing is sweetheart, it won’t change. You won’t wake up one day and magically be able to drink like everyone else
And it doesn’t matter why you can’t. It’s not relevant. You cant. They can. End of.
Just because your drinking days are over doesn’t mean your life is over.
Really its just beginning.
If you can get a handle on this now, when you’re at this stage of abusing alcohol, (and that’s what you are doing petal, let’s be honest) it’s so much easier. Easier than waiting until you lose your job, your friends, your physical and mental health. If you can get to grips with making the decision to stop drinking now. At this point. Then believe me pet your life will go in a completely different direction.
Problem is you’ll have to do it on your own.
See most people think they have to be at end-stage alcoholism to stop drinking. That anything before that is just an overreaction. Totally unnecessary. Which is a shame because honestly you’ll never meet any end-stage alcoholic that doesn’t wish dearly that they’d stopped drinking at the stage you are at now.
If something does not feel right about your drinking. If you are scared by your lack of control. If one drink makes you crave another. If it takes you to a bad, dark place you’d never dream of visiting otherwise. Makes you behave in a way that is so at odds with your personality. Then that’s all the justification you need to stop.
Being afraid and unhappy is enough to constitute having a problem. It really is. But because so many people do abuse alcohol these days without being addicted to it. Without feeling the craving, the physical need for it, just because they can. You will have to be the person that takes your problem seriously. No one on the outside can do it for you.
It’s about knowing yourself. Accepting yourself. Looking for new life experiences away from this destructive confusing compulsive existence. There’s so much in this world to enjoy that doesnt involve alcohol. You dont need to justify your lack of drinking to anyone.
But you don’t need to wait for permission to stop drinking either.
Because we live in a society where that permission won’t come
I don’t know why you can’t drink like your friends can. Why your life becomes so chaotic and uncontrollable. Why your thirst and want and need is so insatiable.
I do know it doesn’t have to be something you live with.
I promise you that.